You must heal the relationship with yourself before you can ever heal the relationship with others. For years I was trying to fix my marriage. I was trying to fix my wife. I was trying to fix myself, but not in a healthy way, and nothing ever seemed to work, and I just felt more … Read more
So how is our hardwired need for connection different than neediness? There’s a misconception that if you need connection, you’re needy, and somehow you have to be independent and not rely on anyone emotionally. And that needing love makes you weak. But that’s a false belief. And it can be destructive in your marriage. Because … Read more
Secure men don’t stuff their emotions. They feel them and they lead through them. When I started on this journey, I would read all kind of things in the manosphere about how men are not to feel their feelings. Misunderstandings about stoicism. Comments like, you’re a man. Ignore your emotions. Don’t feel, just act. Feelings … Read more
In this corner we have the pursuer. And in this corner, the distancer. Have you ever heard of the pursuer-distancer dynamic? It’s loosely tied to the concept of the anxious or preoccupied attachment husband and the avoidant attachment wife. One is always trying, trying, trying, trying, doing all the work, while the other one is … Read more
Why is it so hard for us to communicate our needs? Why do we struggle saying what we need? I always wondered that. Why did I have such a hard time communicating my needs without trying to control, collapse, or avoid conflict? Because I would read it everywhere. Express your needs. Communicate your needs and … Read more
Previously we went into depth over fear and how fear keeps us stuck. But there is an extension of fear that causes resistance. You notice it when you make a decision to heal. You are doing the work. You want progress. Weeks go by. Months go by. But you still get triggered. You still feel … Read more
On a recent podcast, I said, what if you do all this work? You become secure and nothing changes. It is really important that you’re able to lead yourself even when your wife stays disconnected. Let me make it clear. When I say you’ve done the work, I mean you have done this process for … Read more