One of the most common questions I get from coaching clients is this: “How do I know when I’m healed?” Usually, that question comes after months of doing the work. They’ve been learning how to regulate their nervous system. They’ve been practicing self-soothing. They’ve been holding space for their wives. They’ve been working on triggers … Read more
Men Who Struggle With Insecurity Are Extremely Loyal. But Can That Become a Fault? If you struggle with insecurity, chances are you are incredibly loyal. You wear it like a badge of honor. You tell yourself: And just to be clear, loyalty matters. Integrity matters. Commitment matters. You are supposed to be loyal to your … Read more
You Are Worthy of Affection: Healing the False Belief That You Must Earn Love If you’ve been made to believe that, for whatever reason, you haven’t earned affection, that you’re somehow not worthy of affection, I want to tell you something with love: You are. I don’t think there is enough discussion about self-worth in … Read more
What Do You Do When Your Wife Withholds Sex as Punishment? What do you do when your wife withholds sex as punishment? I don’t think this is a question most men say out loud. But I hear it in coaching sessions. I’ve received private messages about it. I’ve seen comments from men who are wrestling … Read more
To become the secure husband, you’re going to have to learn how to heal in the midst of rejection. This is probably one of the hardest places a man can find himself emotionally. I know it was one of the hardest places I ever found myself. You’re not just healing from something in the past. … Read more
No One Is the Monster and No One Is the Hero in a Struggling Marriage If you’re struggling in your marriage, no one partner is the monster, and no one partner is the hero either. You have both built the dysfunction. When marriages hurt, it’s easy to fall into extremes. You might tell yourself that … Read more
No Marriage Is Perfect: Healing the Patterns That Divide You No marriage is perfect. Even the healthiest marriages have their ups and downs. Sometimes we see other couples, maybe on social media or through friends and family, and we think, Man, I wish I had that because my marriage is struggling. But even those marriages … Read more
Why Emotional Trust Comes Before Sex in Marriage Your wife does not want to sleep with a husband she does not emotionally trust. That is why it is so important to build emotional safety and self-leadership through healing. That is how you rebuild respect and trust and desire in your marriage. See, it is more … Read more
You must heal the relationship with yourself before you can ever heal the relationship with others. For years I was trying to fix my marriage. I was trying to fix my wife. I was trying to fix myself, but not in a healthy way, and nothing ever seemed to work, and I just felt more … Read more
So how is our hardwired need for connection different than neediness? There’s a misconception that if you need connection, you’re needy, and somehow you have to be independent and not rely on anyone emotionally. And that needing love makes you weak. But that’s a false belief. And it can be destructive in your marriage. Because … Read more