Welcome back to step four in our six step article series on the Secure Husband Process. So step one, you noticed—you just noticed where you’ve been abandoning yourself. Step two, you made the conscious, courageous decision to take action. Now we’ll figure out what that action is later.
In step three, you learned a dialogue with that inner boy inside.
And now step four is where you connect to unconditional love and truth from a higher source. Welcome back to The Secure Husband article, Bruce Abbott, certified professional coach and founder of SecureHusband.com, where I help men do the inner work to become grounded and emotionally secure in their lives and their marriage.
Why This Step Matters
So this is probably the most controversial part of the process, connecting to a higher power.
Why do I include this?
You need to connect to something bigger than you to help heal false core beliefs.
I know this step feels confusing. Maybe even a little uncomfortable for some men, maybe a little mysterious. I promise you this: without connecting to a source of unconditional love and divine truth, your healing will always feel incomplete.
Because remember, you’ve abandoned yourself, and even as you start to do the healing work with your inner child, your inner child doesn’t trust you.
You don’t trust you.
You’ve been operating off of false core beliefs your entire life, and no matter how much insight you gain, no matter how much of that inner work you do, there will always be moments when your pain overpowers your logic.
And those old wounds come up and say, you’re not lovable. You’re always gonna be rejected. You’re not enough, and you’re gonna need to take action in the next step, and you need to know what that action is. You will learn some of that connecting to your higher power and asking God, the universe, spirit, what is it you want me to do? What is a loving, healing action I need to take right now?
So you see at this point, it’s beyond strategy. You need truth. You need absolute, unconditional truth and peace and divine reassurance that your worth is not up for debate because you’ve been attaching your worth to other people.
What “Higher Power” Means (Without the Complication)
I’m glad I get to dive a little deeper into this because this is very important in the Secure Husband process. Because it’s hard to understand sometimes. What does it mean to connect with a higher power if it’s not something that you’re used to? I mean, how do you do it? So I’m going to help you with some steps and some examples from my life and from some of my coaching clients. I’m going to help you with a conversation you might have, especially when those false core beliefs and those old lies start roaring back.
I say it makes people uncomfortable because people have different views, and I always say this is not about organized religion. This is not about going to church. For me, it’s a faith in God.
For some men, that’s not something that they’re comfortable with. For some men, it’s universe. It’s a higher spirit, a higher self, maybe an older, wiser version of yourself, and we’ll get more into those details. But let’s just start with this idea of a higher voice. Why do you need this divine guidance, this higher voice to listen to?
It is because men in this situation, we’ve been shaped by lies that we’ve told ourselves for our entire life. And maybe were told outright that you were a disappointment and maybe love was withheld until you performed or behaved. Maybe you were ignored or neglected or criticized or made to feel invisible.
Sometimes this was done intentionally by parents or caregivers. Sometimes it was done unintentionally because they were wounded themselves and they were doing their best to survive. But whatever it was, you didn’t get your emotional needs met as a child, and without realizing it, you formed these beliefs that say, I’m not good enough. I have to earn love. I don’t matter. I’m a burden. I’m only valued when I act a certain way or succeed or don’t rock the boat, or be seen not heard. All of those things are beliefs that are subconscious. You don’t consciously realize these, I didn’t. You don’t choose these beliefs, but they were formed as survival strategies.
It’s that wounded inner boy that’s sabotaging your marriage today, because when you believe you’re unworthy of love, you show up that way. You become needy and reactive and withdrawn. Controlling. Defensive. Because deep down you’re trying to protect that little boy inside who still believes he’s not enough. But here’s the catch. You can’t fully heal those beliefs by yourself.
Yes, it is inner work. Yes, it is you dialoguing with your inner child, but there also needs another voice that speaks with truth and love and reminds you who you really are.
That voice doesn’t come from your past. It doesn’t come from your trauma. It doesn’t come from your ego. It comes from a higher power. And again, whether you call that God, the universe, Holy Spirit, divine love, older, wiser self, higher self—whatever is comfortable for you—just know that there is something greater than you that already sees your worth. Already loves you unconditionally. Created you in a perfect image, perfectly imperfect.
And that source of unconditional love—I’m going to call it God in this article—is willing to remind you all the time of your worth and your unconditional love, and that there’s nothing you can do to have that love taken away. There’s nothing you have to work harder to do to earn more of that love. Unconditional. It is there no matter what, 100%. All you have to do is reach out and pull it in. It’s there for you and you didn’t have to do anything to earn it.
That divine guidance, that’s the voice of love that exists beyond your mind and the hamster wheel in your brain. It’s truth. It’s not your inner critic. It’s not that scared inner child. It’s not even your logical adult self. It’s a calm, loving, unshakeable voice that always speaks from a place of truth and compassion and non-judgment.
You’ll recognize it because it never shames you. It never demands perfection. It never says you are not enough. It never says, try harder and you’ll be worthy. Instead, it says, I love you exactly as you are. You’re not broken. You’re created with worth and purpose, and nothing about your past makes you unlovable.
Why This Is Different from Affirmations
What makes this different from affirmations? I talked about this in the last article. Affirmations are good. Affirmations are positive thoughts, but for me, affirmations were very surface level. For me, affirmations were kind of looking in the mirror, saying good things to myself about myself, and that was great, especially when you’ve abandoned yourself for so long, but it didn’t go deep.
Connecting with the inner child goes deep. Connecting to a source of divine love and higher power is deep. So this is bigger than affirmations and much bigger than those false core beliefs that we have, and that’s the voice that we need to listen to. And the beauty is you already know it. You’ve heard it before in moments of stillness. Maybe through nature, prayer, music, worship, connection. It’s always been there. You didn’t always know what to call it.
But now we’re going to be intentional about listening to it and talking to it.
How to Connect: A Simple, Clear Practice
It’s really a simple process, but it’s powerful, and you don’t need to be religious and you don’t need to get it right. You just need to show up. Show up with an open heart, a willing heart, and just be open.
Step-by-step
- Find a quiet place. No phone, no TV, no distractions. This is sacred time. Sit comfortably and breathe slowly. Close your eyes.
- Feel your body. Hand on chest or belly. (If you’re driving, do this later.) Say, I’m willing and open to hearing the voice of truth. I’m open to listening.
- Name the belief. Speak the lie clearly: God, I believe I’m unlovable. I believe I’ll always be rejected. I believe I’m not good enough as a man. I believe I don’t matter. Don’t sugarcoat it.
- Ask two questions. Is this true? What do you say about me?
- Be still. Pause. Breathe. Listen. It might be a whisper, a deep knowing, a wave of peace, a picture, a memory, or a thought.
- Write it down. Even if you’re unsure. Even if it feels “too loving.” Divine guidance often sounds like love you didn’t think you deserved.
- Return to it daily. You are retraining your nervous system to trust love over fear.
What You Usually Hear
I have yet to speak to anybody whose answer is anything other than basically:
- You are lovable.
- You are not rejected by me.
- You are good enough as a man.
- You matter.
- You are loved unconditionally and have inherent worth.
My Own Example
I didn’t realize how I believed that I was never enough and I just started praying. I got still, and I went to God and I said, is this true? Will I never be enough in my marriage? Will I never be enough for her? Will I never be enough in life? And I just waited.
I was in a tough spot. My career was stuck, my marriage was stuck. I was just stuck. And here’s what I heard: You’ve always been enough. You just haven’t seen it. I made you whole. You are not lacking.
I broke down. I bawled my eyes out for 15, 20 minutes. Because when I asked, am I basically unlovable? what came back was: You were loved before you ever did a thing, and you don’t need to earn what’s already yours.
That’s the truth you’re after. It’s always there. You just have to tune your ear to hear it.
A Guided Practice You Can Try (When It’s Safe)
Close your eyes right now. If you can’t, come back later.
- Find a quiet spot.
- Take a deep breath. Hand on your chest. Feel your body.
- Say in your heart (or out loud): God or Spirit, universe, source, higher self. I feel lost. I feel small. I believe this old voice again, that I’m not enough, that I’m unworthy, that I’ll always be rejected.
- Ask: Is this true? What do you say about me?
- Wait. Listen. Let the words come: You are already loved. You were never a mistake. You matter to me. You don’t need to prove anything.
- Connect your inner boy to that higher power: God, this little boy inside, he’s wounded. He was abandoned. Help me live from this truth and be the loving father to this little boy like you are to me.
- Stay quiet and listen. Breathe.
This is the kind of honest, heartfelt dialogue you will have with your higher power. Connect the higher power and you and your inner child. It’s like a triad: your adult self, your inner boy, and your higher power.
You come back with a lighter heart. As you do this more, it feels healing. It feels comfortable. It feels peaceful.
Make It a Daily Rhythm
It’s not a one-time thing. It’s a practice. Make it part of your life.
- Morning: sit for five minutes and ask, What do I need to hear from love today?
- When triggered: pause and ask, What is the truth right now?
- Before bed: Did I believe a lie today? What did higher love say in response?
You are retraining your nervous system to trust unconditional love over fear and false beliefs. Over time, that voice becomes louder than the old voice, and that peace becomes deeper, and your identity becomes rooted in truth and not in lies.
You are not who your wounds say you are. You are not the shame. You are not the rejection. You are not the distance in your marriage. You’re loved. You’re chosen. You are worthy. You are being pursued—not by your wife—but by your creator, by divine truth, by the deepest voice of love that has never left you. You just didn’t know how to reach out for it.
From Truth to Aligned Action
This allows you to heal and no longer feel lost and looking for approval and chasing attention and spiraling into shame. You get still and ask, Is this true? What does my higher power say about me? That voice will never abandon you. That voice will never shame you. That voice will never say, you are not enough. It will say, I made you enough. You are mine. You are perfectly imperfect. You are already loved unconditionally. You are worthy.
And from there you can begin this sacred dialogue where you receive clarity. It’s not just about comfort and peace and soothing your wounds. It’s also figuring out your next right action, because in the next step we’re going to finally take action.
The Secure Husband Process is not about staying stuck in emotional processing forever. We heal so that we can lead. We listen and dialogue with our higher power and our inner child so that we can build that inner strength.
It helps us push through the fear so we can move and take action—because the next action that you take has to come from truth and not fear. It has to come from radical self-acceptance, not panic, not shame, not control. That’s why this divine conversation matters so much, because once your inner child feels safe, once the lies are exposed and replaced with loving truth, now you have space to ask, What do I do next? What would love have me do now? What action would honor who I truly am? This is where divine guidance helps you lead your inner child and you into safety and strength and wise action.
So after that conversation with your higher power—when God says, you are not unlovable, you are never a mistake, you are mine—your inner child feels seen, heard, loved. Then you can ask, Okay, God, what do I do now? What is my next step? How do I live and act from this truth?
And the answer may be:
- Stop begging for love. Start embodying it.
- Stop proving yourself. Start protecting your peace.
- Tell her your truth—not to fix her, but to honor yourself.
- Take space—not as punishment, but as self-respect.
See the difference? This is where the action step becomes clear—but not from reaction, not from fear and wounds, but from love, from connection, from radical clarity, rooted in truth.
Your higher power may say, Speak your truth with love. Set your boundary calmly. Lead your emotions instead of reacting from them. Be still, be strong, be you. You’ll leave that moment not just feeling peaceful and comforted, but clear on what to do. Change happens when you act, and that’s the goal. We listen for the truth, and then from that truth—from the healing—then we act.
And that’s going to be our next article: how we move through the Secure Husband Process into taking aligned action—aligned with truth—where the foundation of these actions comes from a place of stillness and safety and unwavering truth. How a man becomes emotionally secure by letting his action rise from alignment with love, not from desperation for control, not from fear.
So get comfortable with dialoguing with your higher power, especially if it’s not something you’ve ever done before. And just know that there is something there bigger than you, that loves you and is there for you. And when you feel lonely and abandoned, just connect you and your inner child to this divine guidance, this divine source of love and worth.
Quick Guide: Connecting to Higher Truth (At a Glance)
- Find quiet. Breathe. Hand on chest.
- Name the lie out loud.
- Ask, Is this true? What do you say about me?
- Listen for the loving voice that never shames.
- Write it down.
- Repeat daily.
- Let action rise from truth, not fear.
FAQs
How do I connect to a higher power if I’ve never prayed?
Sit in a quiet place. Breathe. Say, I’m open to truth and love. Name your belief. Ask, Is this true? What do you say about me? Listen and write down what you sense.
What if I don’t believe in God?
Use “higher self,” “divine love,” or “the universe.” The key is a loving, steady voice that never shames and always speaks worth.
How does this help my marriage?
You stop chasing validation and start living from truth. You respond instead of react. You set calm boundaries and lead yourself.
What if I hear nothing?
Keep showing up. Stillness takes practice. Write your question, then write what a loving father would say to you. Often, that’s the voice you need.
How often should I do this?
Daily is best, even for two to five minutes. Use it in triggered moments, too.
Get Unstuck
If you’re a husband who feels stuck, lonely, or unseen—and you want to stop reacting and start healing—I’m here for you. You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to me for one-on-one coaching so we can help you become the Secure Husband you’re meant to be. Fill out the contact form and reach out today.