What if I told you that to heal your marriage might not have all that much to do with your wife?

The Secure Husband process—it’s powerful for healing wounds like this because what happens is it teaches you to connect with your inner child.

Now, before you start going, oh man, come on Bruce. Don’t go all woo woo, voodoo psycho psychology on me, the thing that’s happening is you have this abandoning of yourself. And what you need is to be able to step into self-love rather than seeking external validation.

So maybe in your situation, your wife—maybe she’s passive aggressive. Maybe she withdraws. Maybe she argues a lot. Maybe there’s a lot of secret contempt or resentment. And what happens is those trigger deep childhood wounds of rejection, unworthiness, insecurity—things that probably started from when you were four and five years old.

And so healing involves this shift from trying to get her to change to fully showing up for yourself.

Now here’s how this happens.

First of all, you have to be aware of this pain. You have to be aware of this inner child experience. And again, understanding that your wife’s behavior—it’s triggering old wounds rather than creating them.

So what you have to do is you end up having to sit with these emotions. Sitting with rejection and hurt and fear and unworthiness—and that’s not an easy thing to do.

And as you sit with these emotions, just ask yourself, okay, where have I felt this before?
And it may be past experiences. It could be parental instability. It could be a tumultuous childhood. It could even be your relationship with girls maybe when you were younger—you liked girls, they didn’t like you back.

So all of these things become triggering for these past events.

And then what you do is you actually start to identify—where did these false beliefs that you formed as a child come in?

Because as kids, I mean, we don’t understand the big scary emotions, so we try to make meaning out of this pain.

So you might have internalized beliefs like:

• I am unlovable if someone withdraws or yells at me.
• I have to earn love by being good enough and strong enough or fixing the problem.
• If I was just different, then she wouldn’t treat me this way.

And these beliefs, they feel true because they’ve been with you since childhood. But they’re not true. They’re these false core beliefs that you have.

And the thing is—your worth does not depend on how someone treats you. And that’s very important.

So how do you overcome this?

It’s a lot of internal work. It’s a lot of inner child work.

One thing that we do is—we do a lot of visualizing of your younger self. You know, that boy that felt unworthy and rejected. And just speak to him with compassion and love:

I see you. I know this hurts. You didn’t deserve this then. You don’t deserve it now. I’ve got you, little guy. I’ve got you.

And as you show yourself compassion, those are those moments that you didn’t get as a child—and you’re giving them to you now as an older adult.

And then you stop and you listen. And you listen to what your inner child has to say.

Let him express his fears to you. Let him give you feedback. If you just stop and listen, you’ll get a lot of information.

And then you give him love and comfort that you didn’t get back then.

And so what happens here is you start to shift from self-abandonment to self-love.

Because self-abandonment happens when you are trying to earn her affection or fix her behavior… or you’re numbing out with alcohol or porn or work… or you’re blaming yourself. You’re criticizing yourself: “If I was only this… if I was only that…”

And instead, you practice self-love. And this is where you start to meet your own needs. This is where you start to find out what makes you feel loved. You start doing that for yourself. And by doing that, that strengthens your masculine energy.

See, it’s not about control. It’s about grounding yourself in self-worth and self-trust, and that sense of inner security.

And you stop making her behavior the measure of your worth. Her contempt, her resentment—that’s her issue. It reflects her wounds, her unresolved pain. It does not define you.

And then from there, once you’ve deeply connected with yourself, then you can finally decide—what is the next loving thing I can do?

Taking action.

Do you want to communicate differently? Communicate not from a place of neediness, but self-respect.

Do you want to set firmer boundaries? You deserve affection and connection in a relationship.

Do you need to detach emotionally from her behavior? Now, this is not withdrawing. It’s just—you’re no longer letting her behavior define your happiness.

And that’s how you start to align with your true self.

That way, when you heal, you shift from “how do I get her to change?” to “how do I show up for myself?” And that’s where you become the secure husband.

You become secure with yourself, and that changes how you show up in your marriage.

And if she remains stuck in her wounds, well then—you’ll have the clarity to decide what’s best for you.

I mean, your pain is real. But so is your healing.

The fact that you’re aware of these patterns and you’re starting to see them means you’re already on the path to becoming the secure husband. It’s kind of like reparenting yourself so that you’re no longer at the mercy of someone else’s love or rejection or contempt.

And when you step into this version of yourself, you won’t tolerate passive-aggressive behavior, withdrawing, stonewalling, rejection, argument.

Not because it triggers you—but because you simply know…
You deserve better.

If you’ve been living for her approval, reacting to her moods, and losing yourself in the process—I want you to know you can find your center again. If you’re ready to stop chasing her validation and start becoming the Secure Husband you were meant to be, fill out the contact form and reach out. I’ll help you reconnect with your strength, your worth, and your truth—no matter where your marriage stands today.